Be yourself. Don’t try and fit in. There is only one you.

How many times have you heard those sayings as a kid, as a teen, or honestly any time in your life? Growing up in the time of technology and social media has been both a blessing and a curse. It’s great to connect with others so conveniently, but it is so easy to get sucked into a deep dark hole of emptiness after a few hours of scrolling through TikTok. Instead of feeling motivated, or at the very least happy, after spending time on social media, most of us are just sad. It’s not a rewarding feeling. So how come we keep going back? How come we are so aware of how it makes us feel, but we continue to scroll and scroll?

The answer is: we aspire to be anything but ourselves.

Are you shocked? How many times have you taken a social media scroll and stopped at a picture, just wondering how you can look like that, or have that life. An apartment in New York City away from your small town feels so unattainable and forcing yourself to get that summer beach body is exhausting. Escaping that world of “what if my life looked like this” just feels impossible.

For so long, this generation has looked at other people for inspiration to dress a certain way, to act a certain way, and to live a certain way. How are we supposed to be ourselves if we don’t even know what that looks like?

We can also factor in that issue of how toxic social media can be. Even if you’re trying to find yourself, and you hop onto TikTok trend, well now you’re just basic. There’s this competitive nature that comes with social media. Everyone is constantly trying to one up each other, trying to see who can be more “different” and less “basic”. It’s toxic, and completely ignores the entire point of “being yourself”, because you stop doing it for you, and instead do it to impress others.

My point is that it is very hard to find yourself in this generation. You’re trying not to fit in and be different because you’ve been told that it is okay to be yourself, yet sometimes you try so hard not to fit in, that you’re losing sight of the goal. Instead of being yourself, you’re just trying to be someone everyone else wants to be. 

This summer, the question I’m always asked is “where do you want to go to college?” or “what do you want to do after high school?” and while to them, it’s a harmless question, to me it just feels insufferable. I hate that I can’t give people an answer because I really don’t know. I hate that I have to make so many decisions that will change the path of my life at seventeen. A seventeen-year-old is trying to find themselves while simultaneously planning the rest of their life. 

If I’ve managed to hit you where it hurts, don’t worry! I have some words of encouragement, I always try to.

The pandemic changed us, a lot. It changed our world as a whole and each of us personally. For me, I missed a good chunk of my high school years. However, it also gave me time to reflect. Being alone allowed me time to think about myself. To work on me. To start trying to be myself without the eyes of my peers watching. Even just taking a look around my room shows me how much I’ve changed in a year. I see the magazines everywhere, encouraging me to fight for that dream job working as a writer. I see the record collection that I started that makes me so happy. The physical copies of music and movies showing my interests. My passions. I can’t wait to box those up and take them everywhere life takes me. All of the little miscellaneous items I’ve collected over time, adding life and excitement to my room. My room reminds me of me, and I love it because I’ve changed so much. It’s a weird thing to think about, the person you were prior to the pandemic. I hope you all are happy with that person, and if you’re not, start trying to be. Start spending time by yourself, working on yourself and your dreams. Don’t spend hours scrolling through social media just to feel empty afterward. 

Right now, I’m having trouble saying no to things. I keep piling on extra things to my already overbooked schedule.

I’m doing things for myself, but also for other people. To make sure they’re happy. I’m learning that I should only be doing things that are adding value to my life.

I don’t mean that in a “I’ll quit math class because it doesn’t add any value to my life” kind of way. Clearly, it is not my choice that I take math. Math sucks and I have to work through it and deal with it. However, math is still adding something to my life. It’s preparing me for college.

What I mean is, stop putting up with toxic relationships when they stop adding value to your life. When they stop you from growing.

Stop doing things that don’t make you happy. Don’t do something because other people want you to. How can you give a stellar performance in it if you don’t really want to be in it.

Sometimes we do these things we don’t want to do because we are desperate to be great at something. A lot of us teenagers struggle with the idea of not being good enough. In school, in sports, in whatever it is. We want to be good at it (obviously). Sometimes, we are not. I am not good at math! It’s okay! Sometimes, passion is better than intelligence. Passion is better than talent. Sometimes, it is better to be a hard-worker, than someone who is naturally gifted. Because you can’t teach someone to be passionate or to be hard-working. But you can teach someone to be better at something. At school, at a job, at a sport. Hard-work will get you there. Passion will get you there.

So, this all comes back to being yourself. Being passionate about life will allow you to truly find yourself. Trust me. Start indulging in things that make your life more exciting. Read books, draw, paint, write, whatever your heart desires. This is the time to do it. You are finding yourself. Even if you’re 40 and you already think you’ve found yourself. Maybe there are things you pushed aside. Do it.

I’m not saying stop working hard to be better at math. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do things you don’t want to do because in the end it will benefit you. It’s the path to your dream career or your dream life. However, leave some room for passion. Passion leads to truly being yourself, because you are doing it for you and no one else.

xoxo, megs