a reflection on the year of transition

This year I tried a new sport. I danced at concerts. I jumped out of a plane. I graduated. I moved to a new state. I started an internship. I started college. I transitioned into a new chapter.

Phew. Seems like a lot when I write it all down. I realize how many big decisions I made. How many cool things I accomplished. And how incredibly fast this year went by.

But that’s what they always say right?

Time flies when you’re having fun.

But maybe time just flies.

When I look back on 2022, I see all kinds of emotions. Sure, I had lots of fun. I finished school at noon, spent almost every day with my friends savoring the last months of high school, and I had one of the best summers of my life. But then, I moved almost five hours away from that life.

Just when I was at the tippity top of my happiness mountain, I had to say goodbye. So I also experienced a lot of sadder emotions in 2022. I was gloomy, lost, and lonely at times. I held onto my life in Damascus when I should have been pursuing a life in Blacksburg.

But looking back on my first semester in college, the last four months went by so fast. At the end of it, I was sad. Because I didn’t want to say goodbye to the friendships I did make and the experiences I did have.

So I think no matter what, time just flies.

This year, my goal in this new year is to stop wishing for the end of something. No more wishing for a really bad day to end, or a really long week, or even a season of life.

And my other goal is for the opposite side of things. I want to stop wishing something would never end. Because I am a very nostalgic person.

For example, I find myself constantly wishing I was back in spring of my senior year, when everything was fun and easy and happy. I’ll scroll down my snapchat memories and just sit there, wasting time for hours just getting sad about how I’ll never be seventeen again.

But at the end of the day, I will never be seventeen again. But I am eighteen right now, and in a year maybe I’ll be nostalgic for this. So no more!

No more wasting my time wishing something would end, or wishing something would never end. It is useless!

Out of all of the things I’ve learned this year, I think the most important is that each season of life is precious. Time is precious. And I’ve stopped looking at that like it’s a bad thing. Time is going to move no matter what. So why waste it thinking about the past or the future constantly. Because honestly, I find myself doing that a lot. Either pining over a past season of life, or wishing I was already in a future one.

Because the journey is the most important part, that’s what they say. So experience the journey. The good and the bad. That’s what I’m doing in 2023.

I went skydiving for my eighteenth birthday. On the day. I was going through the checklist:

“Do you realize that injures can result from skydiving”

“Are you willing to risk your life while participating in skydiving”

All I was thinking was, I couldn’t do this yesterday?

But I could today. And that put a smile on my face.

So I marked yes to all of the above, because yes, there is a chance I could get hurt. But I could also get hurt by a paper-cut.

That’s life. You can get hurt by a lot of things. But you can also be healed, revived.

And skydiving with my mom for our two very monumental birthdays is an experience that made me feel so alive.

Because that is what a birthday is for, to celebrate life. What better way to celebrate life than to risk it?

You can’t say you are truly living your life, celebrating the fact that you exist right here and right now, if you’re playing it safe.

Which doesn’t mean you have to go jump out of a plane, but at least take a jump. Take a risk.

Sign up for that club, ask that person out, say yes to those plans (or say no if thats the risk), apply for that job that LinkedIn says is a reach or that school they say you’ll never get into, do the damn thing!

I learned something in personal finance this semester. Although I can’t promise I’ll apply it to taxes or investments, I will be applying it in my life.

With no risk, there is no reward.

A lot of times this year, I hoped for something. Prayed for something. Really wanted something in my life to change. Thought about my big bright future and all of the dreams I am going to accomplish. But hoping and praying can only do so much. I have to do something.

So in 2023, I will do something. I will take that risk. Whether the risk is as small saying yes to getting lunch with a new friend or maybe I risk sleep for a night to write a blog post. Maybe I risk hanging out with friends so I can finish studying. Maybe I risk embarrassment by asking a crush out.

Because why not?

If embarrassment is the worst thing that can happen, why not?

If it not working out is the worst thing that can happen, why not?

We have nothing to lose here! Only something to gain.

Which is what I’m telling myself as I head back to campus in a few days. I’m going to rush for sorority recruitment and if I am being honest, I was really nervous about it when I signed up.

Because what if I don’t like it? What if they don’t like me? What if I go through the whole week and I don’t even get a bid?

What ifs can be a killer.

What ifs are like these toxic expectations we put in our heads that block the road to success.

Because if I really think about it, no matter what happens at the end of recruitment week, I won’t really be losing anything. Even if I go through the week and don’t get a bid, I would have still gained an experience. Maybe even a new friend.

Which is better than nothing. Better than not doing it at all.

And that is the mindset I’m going to try to implement in my life as a whole. Gaining an experience, good or bad, is better than nothing at all. Because experiences help us grow, they help us transition. And that’s the point.

So throw out whatever expectation you had about this new year, good or bad, and just do it. If there is no expectation, there is nothing to disappoint you.

I think about all the movies I’ve watched about life and how “unrealistic” they are. How people say “oh that’s the point” because you get to escape real life for a few hours.

But I think that’s BS. Sure, The Avengers won’t come out of the sky and battle a villain trying to destroy to world. You can definitely escape life in those movies. But maybe you get stuck on a road trip with a stranger and it ends up being the love of your life (When Harry Met Sally) because that is not completely unrealistic.

What I’m trying to say in this reflection is stop giving things expectations. Stop thinking about your life in ten years and start creating that life now. Stop praying the week will end and turn it around yourself. Start living your life like a movie.

Sure, there is always going to be an excuse. I’m in college, I have to study and get a degree. I have a job, I have to work and make money. I have a family, I have to support them.

So! These things are all a part of your story. Your story. Movies are based on stories. So live yours!

There are times in life to be taken seriously, and other times not so much. That’s what I’m learning. Sure, Friends is a fictional story about some friends living in New York, but it could be true. It could be you and your friends.

Friends with jobs, friends with long hours and no sleep, friends who fight, friends who make up, friends who lose friends and make new ones, friends who live life with all of the lemons it hands them.

I guess I’m saying life is what you make of it. And trust me, it is so much easier for me to write these words down than actually take action on them. But in 2023, I am really going to try to. Because why jump out of a plane and risk death if I can’t say I’ve lived?

You have forever to live. Live like there is no tomorrow.

I’m trying to find the good balance in between.

xoxo, megs