a reminder not to rush life nor wish for it to stay still

We have a fear that nothing will be as good as yesterday.

At least I know I have that fear.

Since being in college, it seems like every year gets better. I meet more people, I get more involved on my campus, and each year I feel my growth.

My freshman year started as a struggle but ended with knowing I had found my new home.

My sophomore year I felt at home, and continued growing into this new chapter of my life.

The first few weeks of junior year have been a constant and familiar joy.

Reconnecting with the familiar friends I’ve made over the last two years. Walking across the familiar campus. Settling back into the familiar routine.

And I’m having the time of my life.

But it’s not all sunshine and happiness, obviously.

No matter how happy you are, there are always things you are worrying about.

For me, it’s the things I cannot control.

I’ve always been somewhat of a control freak.

Whether it was keeping my room clean, or my google calendar organized.

Whether it was making sure everyone around me is happy and no one is fighting.

Whatever it was, I liked things better when I could control them.

But that’s not what reality is. Sometimes things get messy — because life is messy.

Although you can clean your room and update your calendar, you can’t always make everyone happy.

I’ve been trying to teach myself this lesson every day for pretty much my entire life, but people pleasing is exhausting.

There are things in this life you will never be able to control, and people are one of them.

Because they are their own person, and no matter what you say or how many times you say it, they will do what they want.

No matter how little sense it makes or how hard you tried.

You just simply cannot please everyone.

And although the control freak in me desperately wants to, she’s gotta let go.

So just try and let go of the people who don’t deserve you.

Friends, more than friends, significant others. Surround yourself with people who genuinely want you there.

Because there is no going backwards. The world keeps spinning and time keeps ticking.

There comes the other thing I cannot control: the future.

Career fairs, recruiters, internship calls.

Scrambling to find a senior year house.

Graduation.

A life without college? Terrifying.

As I’m trying to savor the moments of junior year, I’m seeing TikToks of post-grads crying about missing college.

I’m having deep talks at pregames with my best friends about what our lives are going to look like in two years.

I’m thinking about what happens next, and if it will ever be better than this?

Can I just stay in college forever?

I’m a ball of anxiety filled with nostalgia, and the quickly approaching future is out of my control.

So the other day, I found this list in my notes titled “small joys in life.”

I started it as a freshman, who just needed something to make her smile.

1. Seeing little kids reactions to being on the jumbotron at a college game
2. College kids coming out of the mail room with a smile on their faces, reading a letter or holding a package 
3. Hearing a car drive by outside my dorm as they are listening to music loudly with the windows down and singing
4. Witnessing an airport reunion 
5. The old man who roller skates in my neighborhood every day
6. Seeing how people stop to clap and smile for a public proposal 
7. One person at the beach saying “dolphin!” a little loud and everyone lifting their heads to find it. Even if they have to wait 30 extra seconds of staring into the ocean

Some of these things have probably happened around you, and you smile for a minute or two, and then you forget about it.

The joy was seemingly temporary.

But the point is, it made you smile, no matter the duration. Every bit of joy counts.

The joy of college scares me because it constantly seems like there is a clock on it. Like one day, it just runs out.

The joy when my class ends at 5pm on Thursday, and I’m officially ready for the weekend.

The joy when I see my friends downtown at happy hour. I saw them yesterday but I’m still eager to give them a hug and tell them I missed them.

The joy when I do well on an exam, or project I spent so long preparing for.

So when I graduate, what happens to all of that joy?

I realized that they don’t go away when you graduate.

They’re always there.

You just have to look for them.

The joy when I’m off work at 5pm on Friday, and I’m officially ready for the weekend.

The joy when I see my coworkers downtown at happy hour. I saw them yesterday but I’m still eager to give them a hug and tell them I missed them.

The joy when I do well on a presentation in front of my boss that I spent so long preparing for.

The joy will still there, it’s just the circumstances that will have changed.

But while we’re still here, enjoy what is still right in front of you. Don’t rush life, but don’t wish for it to stay still.

Enjoy late night cookout runs, and the talks you have while waiting in line.

Enjoy having an endless supply of friends to trade clothes with.

Enjoy the spontaneous decisions and laugh at your mistakes.

Enjoy the late nights, and the memories that come with them.

But when the late night is over and the morning comes, know that it is a new day full of new joys.

We have a fear that nothing will be as good as yesterday, but seek the joy of knowing the potential of tomorrow.

xoxo, megs