Growing up, I thought I had to be around other people to have a good time, to feel happy. I figured, if I was with family and friends, I would automatically have to be in a good mood because why would I want to be sad around them? In reality, we all have a social battery, it varies from person to person. Some people can be with friends for hours and hours and never get bored, others just get burnt out quickly, and need to retreat back to their room for some time alone. Over the years, I think I’ve started to notice my own social battery fluctuating. When I was younger, I could probably go on for days with my friends and never feel like I needed alone time. However, as I grew up, I noticed how that changed. When I started high school, I tried joining anything and everything that would provide a social outlet for me to see friends. Along with balancing school, I participated in sports, clubs, and other extracurriculars that would keep me busy for long periods of time. In the last year specifically, I’ve caught myself missing my room when hanging out with friends, wishing I was listening to music or watching a movie on my own. I think that’s why I would call myself an introverted extrovert.

WHAT IS THAT?

ex·tro·vert noun an outgoing, overtly expressive person.

in·tro·vert noun a shy, reticent person.

Now that you know google’s definition, let me tell you what I think. I’ve always been described as an extrovert. Someone who can easily make friends, someone who has no trouble expressing their emotions, and someone who can be in a social setting for long periods of time. Now, there are other people on the other hand, that would be described as more of an introvert. Even if they are social, they probably wouldn’t necessarily go out of their way to meet new people at a party or another social gathering. They keep to themselves and are probably very quiet for the most part. Both introverts and extroverts have their strengths and weaknesses. For me, being social is a plus as it helps me make friends and connections. However, I also tend to overshare and trust too easily.

SOCIAL BATTERY

So, I mentioned this social battery thing earlier, and I want to elaborate. As teenagers especially, we fill up our schedule by any means. I used to struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out) big time. Seriously, even if I didn’t want to do something, I would go because I thought I would regret missing it later. When in reality, I ended up not even having fun because I was so focused on how comfortable my bed would be when I got home. Some days, I was actually really excited to hang out with friends, but if it went on for too long, I just ended up exhausted.

My social battery just ran out.

You have to realize that everyone is different when it comes to our social lives. Some people are totally fine with making one plan after another and they’ll never get sick of constantly being around people. Others need to be alone, they almost crave alone time.

When I came to this realization about myself, I tried to fix it. I hated how quiet and tired I would get when spending time with my friends, but there wasn’t a switch I could flip. It was like a phone running out of battery, if you didn’t have a charger, it would eventually die. My charger was spending quality time with myself, but at the time I didn’t see it that way. I tired to force myself to make even more plans, training myself to become this outgoing, spontaneous extrovert I always thought I was. Obviously, this didn’t work. I needed to admit to myself that I really did like being alone sometimes.

So, instead of denying it, I learned how to balance my time. You could call this a solution, but I don’t think being this introverted extrovert was a problem. I don’t think this was something that needed fixing, I think I just needed to learn how to adjust. As hard as it was, I just started saying no to plans. Although the pandemic kind of did that for me, it was nice to be alone. I ended up learning a lot about myself and the kind of person I wanted to be. I use my time alone to tend to the hobbies I can do by myself, whether it’s reading or writing, I did that way more often than I was before. Of course, your friends and family bring out the best in you, you can also do that yourself. One of the best lessons I’ve learned is that you cannot rely on anyone but yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else, even your mother that birthed you, can only know so much. Even your boyfriend that claims he knows you more than you know yourself. Even your best friend that you give a detailed examination of each and every feeling you have. They don’t know you the way you know yourself, so you can only rely on you. 

INDEPENDENCE

So, with that I lead into my next point, being independent. Relying on yourself and no one else. Listen, when I was in middle school, I went through friendship after friendship with the end result being: Megan was too clingy, too dependent. I didn’t understand it at first because I thought I was just being a good friend, putting 110% into the friendship. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still would consider myself someone who puts extra effort into my relationships, but the difference was I didn’t depend on the friend to keep me happy. That was my biggest issue growing up, I allowed these friends to control how I was feeling and I became too dependent on them.  I would sob to my mom about how I felt as though no one wanted to be my friend for the long haul. I wasn’t going to have that friend group in high school that would become lifelong friends.

Then I realized I needed to free myself from relying on others. I needed to be independent.

Since then, I’m proud to be described as an independent person. It always makes me smile when someone compliments my confidence or my independence. I just liked the idea of only relying on myself for happiness. Of course I still have friends that make me smile and laugh, but the point was that I didn’t rely on them to keep me happy. I don’t rely on others for happiness in the ways I did before. That’s the key. That’s my advice for you.

Now, how does this circle back to being an introverted extrovert, an ambivert if you may. Remember how I said at the beginning of this post that I thought I had to be around other people to be happy. Well, learning how to be independent and rely on myself changed the game. Being independent doesn’t necessarily fall into one category of people. An introvert may sit in the back of the class, silent for the entire time, but you would never know how much they get done on their own from being independent. An extrovert may be friends with everyone, always partying and having a good time, but you would never know that they actually don’t rely on the people around them because they are the life of their own party. Moral of the story is this, being independent kind of made me realize that I was an introverted extrovert. Being independent made me value being alone. Being independent made me a stronger person. 

So, I’ll leave you all with this. Whatever you are, introvert or extrovert, decide it on your own. Don’t let other people label you with either. Sometimes you are a good mix of both. However, anyone can be independent, and I think it’s a very useful quality to possess.

xoxo, megs