Hey blog, I’m back. I’ve missed ya.

Seriously, I just let out a huge sigh of relief. I’ve genuinely missed writing blog posts.

I didn’t write for the entire month of September and most of October. I didn’t even post on Instagram, not even a story. Normally, I’d feel guilty, like I’m letting someone down. However, this time around, it felt good to not stress about it. I knew Miss Megs would be waiting for me when I was ready to jump back into things.

It’s been awhile, because September is a very chaotic month. Plus, these months are flying by. Fast. Starting in-person school is challenge of its own, but piling on extracurriculars, work, blogging, and a social life is tough. I told myself I’d really try to live in the present this month. I’d enjoy the benefits of senior year, because it’s my last for a lot of things. My last first day of high school, my last homecoming, my last football season. Fall is a great time for high school, and I’ve been doing my best to soak it all up.

So, enough about that, I just wanted to clue you in on why I’ve been absent.

Moving forward, today’s blog post is a free write as of now. I honestly have no idea where I’m going with this, but I have a feeling the words will write themselves.

I’m going to start with what’s been occupying most of my thoughts and worries: the future.

What’s some words or emotions that come to your mind when you hear the future? Are you scared? Excited? Ready?

I’ve had many internal battles over the future lately. On one hand, I think about it all the time. Most of my thoughts and conversations lately have been about the future. What colleges I’m applying to, what I’ll be majoring in, and essentially where my life is moving in less than a year.

On the other hand, I try not to think about it. Any time my parents or someone else mentions college in a conversation, I try to get them off of the topic. Anytime there is an email saying I needed to complete something for college applications, I try to push it off. Because it’s scary. It’s scary that it’s all happening so fast. Part of me thinks there is so much time to prepare, and another part of me knows there will never be enough.

So, where is the balance? How can I take my future seriously, without overthinking everything? How can I enjoy my last year as a high-schooler, while simultaneously planning the next four-years of my life?

That’s just the thing, I can’t.

I can’t plan the next four-years because life is not that predictable.

There are some things I can control. What I’m going to eat for breakfast, what outfit I’m going to put on, how I treat people, and how much time I spend on my college applications.

I can’t control if the jelly from my breakfast bagel stains the white top I was going to wear to school. I can’t control other people’s actions and emotions. I can’t control my college admissions decisions.

Control is a hard thing for me to let go of. I’m the kind of person who enjoys leadership roles because I like having control over things. I like planning out my entire month so that I can tell what the future is going to look like. That jelly stain, used to really tick me off, because I felt the control slipping from my fingers.

My control problem really prohibited me from fully enjoying my days, because I was too busy thinking about something I had to do that night, the next day, or next month.

So for now, I’ll be taking it day by day.

I’m starting to plan each day as it comes. Rain or shine. Even if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Because every day isn’t going to be perfect and magical. Some days, life hands me pages of research homework, a four-hour-shift, and a math test tomorrow (actually that’s probably most days!) Other days, life gives me time to read that book I bought when I had free time, or a nice night with my family just catching up at the dinner table.

It’s been hard, letting go of control, but it’s helped. I stopped updating my monthly calendar, and instead started focusing on each week. Each Monday, I plan out what I can, and take it from there. I have an idea of what each day will look like. I know if I have to go to school that day, what homework is due, and if I have work, but I still let the days unfold on their own.

Each day is something new, and that’s exciting!

The person in front of me in the drive thru could pay for your Starbucks, resulting in a big fat smile on my face. Or better yet, you could be that person, starting the chain of kindness.

Or, things could go south, and you get a bad test score. Whole day ruined.

NOT.

It’s not ruined, because that is something you DO have control over. Schedule a meeting with your teacher, talk it out, go study, and then do something for you. Read a book, watch a show, go meet up with a friend.

Let’s say you don’t feel like doing that, you instead feel like crying in your pillow that night about how bad the day was. Understandable.

That is the beauty of tomorrow.

Tomorrow isn’t something to stress over. Tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities and a fresh start. Yes, you still may have yesterday’s obstacles, but you’re looking at them with a new perspective, hopefully one that’s a little more optimistic.

And that is my goal, to make you feel a little more optimistic, even if these words are a little cheesy. It’s good to be back blog.

Enjoy today. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

xoxo, megs