my thoughts on adjustment + change

Hello blog, long time no see. Today I am reporting to you from Blacksburg, Virginia.

Yes! I am a college girl now!

I’ve been here for about a month and a half. I’ve met some new friends, started new classes, and encountered new obstacles.

The first thing I get asked when talking to someone from home is, “How is Virginia Tech?”

“It’s great!” I will respond.

Because that’s what you’re supposed to say. That’s what people want to hear, but what if it’s not great?

We don’t like to admit when things didn’t turn out how we expected, especially when we think others are meeting those expectations.

Having fun, making friends, doing well in school, adjusting well to this new life.

But how can we possibly assume all of those things are true based off of what? An Instagram post? A Snapchat story? A hometown friend telling you, “yeah college is great!”

But you also said college is great, and is that 100% true?

Okay, maybe for some of you, college is literally the best thing ever. Good for you!

This is for my people still adjusting.

This past weekend, I visited my best friend from home at her school, and I got to see a lot of familiar faces. It was like a breath of fresh air, especially for me who was definitely home sick.

Homesickness. Something I thought would never be associated with me.

If you would have asked me in May if I was ready for college, I would have said absolutely, and that being four hours from home was no biggie. And most people would have been convinced, because my whole life I’ve been described as independent. No one thought I would have a problem adjusting to college.

Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to admit I am.

But in reality, even the most independent person struggles with adjusting, because nothing can really prepare you to move away from home for the first time.

I spent eighteen years in one place. One town. I grew a connection with it. I developed friendships with people. But most importantly, I developed a relationship with myself.

As a freshman in high school, I was insecure. I didn’t really have a sense of identity. As I progressed through those four years, I grew…physically and mentally.

I discovered my passion for writing with this blog, and it quite literally became my identity. I finally felt like I had a sense of self. I knew who I was.

Being a freshman in college feels like I’m right back at square one. A new school, with new people, where you are no longer the oldest. I’m back at the bottom of the food chain, fresh meat if you will.

Because let’s bet honest, being the oldest in an environment is a confidence boost in itself. As a senior, I didn’t care what anyone said about me. As a senior, I had leadership roles. As a senior, I knew everyone, and they knew me.

No one knows me here!

And yeah, that may sound like I’m full of myself, but it’s true. When people know you, you’re comfortable around them.

Starting college is the definition of being uncomfortable.

But then I have to remind myself, this is what I wanted. This was why I chose to study journalism at a technical university out-of-state. I wanted a challenge. I wanted to start from scratch. I wanted to be uncomfortable.

I wanted that because when you’re uncomfortable, you do the most growing.

And while I know deep down that I am already growing, it’s hard to see that when all I am thinking about is how I haven’t made enough friends, or I’m not succeeding to my best ability.

In reality, it’s only been a month and a half. I often forget that. Time moves extremely quickly here, and there is a lot more pressure to secure your social situation. Not only do you want to make new friends because it’s college and that’s the appeal, but you also kind of have to. You have to secure a living situation for the following year pretty quickly, so the pressure is on to make sure you click with those people. It’s kind of stressful.

So I keep telling myself, would I rather have friends quickly, but down the line realize it’s not working, or be patient and find people that are truly there for me?

Because at the end of the day, quality over quantity, and quality friends take time. So be patient.

It’s been a month and a half, that’s it! It is absolutely impossible to figure out your life this fast. So give yourself some grace.

Patience and grace. Two things I’m trying to remind myself of. Because it’s so easy to blame ourselves.

“I’m not trying hard enough.”

“I’m not putting myself out there.”

Maybe you were just thrown into a brand new environment and you’re still a little scared. It’s okay.

The point is, don’t let social media cloud your views on college, because I’ve been catching myself doing that. Right now, everyone is trying to prove that they’re having a good time, that they’re adjusting well.

So I’ll admit it! I am still adjusting, and I think a lot of you are too.

For me, this blog post is my first step to feeling better about this whole thing. I realized the root of the issue was that I simply felt lost. I didn’t feel like myself. So, I’m writing to clear my head and hopefully help some of you feel a little bit better about your college situation, whatever that may be. Because everyone is on a different brick on their path. Everyone is on a different page in this chapter. Some people walk faster than others and some people read slower. Be patient with yourself!

Now, here are some things I’ve noticed personally in myself after a month in a half of college:

Number one: I miss my hometown. Sue me!!!!!!!

Again, I spent eighteen years there so it’s valid and I’ll stand by it. That does not mean I’m not giving Blacksburg a chance because it is beautiful here! But it is hard to not miss the people and places that shaped who I am. It’s hard not to look around my dorm room and see the many pictures of my friends from home. So, it’s okay to miss them. And it’s okay if you never find people that match up to them, but at least give college a chance. Because I’ll say it again: It’s only been a month and a half.

God it feels like it’s way longer than that. Time is such a weird thing here.

BUT! Patience is key. Literally telling myself that every day.

Number two: my screen time is wayyyy higher than normal. I’m talking upwards of 7-8 hours, which is not normal for me. However, there are definitely fingers I can point at for who is to blame. I don’t have a ton of friends yet, so I’m not necessarily out and about unless it’s a weekend, which means I am constantly scrolling through TikTok to keep myself busy (or procrastinate). It’s like I don’t even realize I’ve wasted my time until I snap myself out of it. I also like to tell myself it’s okay because I’m having “time with myself,” but in reality, it’s not really time with myself. It’s time with my phone. Time with the internet. Time with social media that puts me right back at feeling like I’m not doing enough.

I’ve also noticed I nap a little more often here. Maybe it’s because I’m tired, or maybe it’s because I’m bored. Whatever the case is, it’s not always productive. Sometimes napping is good for me, as it energizes me to continue with the day. Other times, it only makes things worse.

All of this wasted time on the phone and in my bed has only made me more exhausted mentally, so here I am, trying to change those habits.

Starting with this blog post.

MissMegs lifted me up during the pandemic, a time when I really had no idea what the future looked like. The blog made me feel like I had a purpose. So here I am, getting all my many thoughts on college so far onto the page in hopes that it lifts me back up, and makes me feel like myself again. Plus, I hope there is someone reading this, who can feel seen. Related to. I hope this opened up the blinds to your mind a little bit and let some sun in.

I know this place will be good for me. I just need to give it some time, but also some energy. I need to put forth some effort if things are going to change!

But I’ll also remind myself that it is not a simple fix. It won’t change in a day. It takes work to put yourself out there. To go to a club meeting. To actively pursue friendships. To go to the library to help you stay focused. But it will be worth it in the long run.

Nourish those friendships who help you grow. Chase after things you value.

No one is perfect, and let me be the reminder that social media is a highlight reel (even the people who claim to be unfiltered).

Adjustment is hard. Growth is painful sometimes, that’s why we call them growing pains. But we get through it, we grow.

xoxo, megs

PS. I can’t tell you how good it felt to sign off on this blog post, I’ve missed it!!! Until next time 😉